第九章:风语23(2 / 2)

风雪长安道 舒涓 1652 字 2023-08-09

风停止了讲述,大概是想让我的小脑瓜先消化消化这些复杂的信息。

我闷了好半晌,才问:“萧露蕊后来怎样了?丧子之痛,她该如何承受?”

风重重叹息,数花瓣跟着委地。“她死了,服毒身亡。萧思源的死……”

我连忙打断风的话,请它不要讲得太过详细,因为我不想再听那么悲伤的故事,我也不想再为谁伤心流泪。

风摸摸我的头,努力将一件过程极为复杂,饱含万千奈的心酸事压缩得尽量简短。它望着它过来的方向,又开始了讲述:

萧思源得急症暴毙的消息引起了不少猜测。众说纷纭下,人们不约而同地倾向于他死于权力的争斗。萧露蕊出人意料的平静,好像她早就预料到会有这种结果,已听天由命。她亲手为萧思源缝制了丧服,又一手操办了丧葬仪式,并不顾萧逸的强烈反对,赶在萧尧生辰到来前将萧思源下葬。她说,如果活着不曾好好珍惜,死了也就不必悼念,因为只有付出真心的人才配思念与不舍。她说这话的时候没有看萧逸,依旧一页一页慢慢翻看佛经。那神情就像是一个修道多年,已参透万象的人,在给被俗世烦恼纠缠的人说她的一点心灵感悟,又像是对自己过往经历的一次小小总结。不用细看你便能发现,她那双失神的眼睛里没有一星半点哀伤,只有空洞得没着落的平静。

萧逸告了病假,不肯上朝。他终日徘徊在书房,对着那一盆盆奇香异色的鲜花默默垂泪。萧思源欢快的声音时刻不在他耳边回响:父王,瞧这花开得多好!我剪两枝插在您书案上……父王,听说皇宫里有您喜欢的千色罗刹,我定要想办法给您讨了来……父王,这果子是野烟姐姐给我的,可甜了!您尝尝……父王,您想要的那本兵书我替您寻到了,过几天就带回来……父王,您昨晚没睡好?怎么这般疲累……父王,听他们说您今儿不练兵,那能带我去打猎么……他看见萧思源在花园里忙进忙出,忙出言呼唤。没人回答。只有刺眼的日光与惨白的月光来回变换。

萧思源死后的第七天,是他的回魂日。按照昭阳国的习俗,死者的血亲要在这一天设灵摆宴,将自己最喜欢的东西作为祭品烧掉,以召唤亡灵回魂,与家人短暂相聚,作最后的告别。管家正派人着手准备,不料萧露蕊发下话来:任何人不得以任何形式在任何地点祭拜小王爷,一经发现,即刻发配为垢。如此严令下,自然没人敢多事。萧逸本就担心她睹物思人,过度伤心。现在听到她如此安排,倒正中下怀,忙吩咐管家一切按照王妃的意思办。

萧尧得到这个消息后,笑着对颜槐玉道:“驯服一个女人,只需要时间和金钱。最多再略施小计,说点甜言蜜语,来点温柔陷阱,也就成了。而要想控制一个男人,就给他权利和地位。”他下了道圣旨,大意是说他体谅宁王的丧子之痛,特许宁王和王妃不必进宫拜寿。

回魂日当天,天才蒙蒙亮,萧露蕊着便衣常服,带着家奴去皇家寺院进香了。她有每月初一、十五定期烧香拜神的习惯,雷打不动。临走时,她又再三嘱咐管家,切不可为萧思源冲撞了圣上的好日子。

舒缓的梵音中,萧露蕊问:“大师,世间什么最苦?”

答曰:“放不下最苦。”

“那要如何才能放下?”

“贫尼若知道答案,便不会在此修行了。”

“从前,我以为求而不得最苦。如今方知,最苦莫过于梦想破灭,从此身处黑暗,心中光。”

“施主可有解脱之法?”

萧露蕊对着神像拜了三拜,没有再回话。

那天晚上,萧露蕊吩咐厨房多做了几道小菜,都是萧思源最爱吃的。席间,她斟了三杯酒,默默洒在地上,默默祷告。完毕后,她柔声道:“王爷,自妾身嫁入王府以来,战战兢兢,如履薄冰,生怕哪里做的不好,丢您的脸。十几年了,您累,妾身也累。今夜,妾身想依着自己的性子放肆一回,与王爷喝酒聊天,说一说这些年的心路历程。请王爷成全!”

“这里是你的家,你想说什么做什么都是自由的,何必这般客气?”萧逸自斟自饮了两杯,对着空杯叹气。“我为天下人流血拼命,天下人骂我恨我,说我助纣为虐。我对源儿少有真情,他却时时刻刻想我念我,愿以命相护!这世上还有比这更讽刺,更可悲的事么?小蕊,对不起,是哥能,没有保护好你和源儿!”

“我们是一家人,说什么对不起。”萧露蕊换了个大酒杯,斟了满满一杯酒:“是恨你还是护你,都是他们的选择。选择了就不后悔。借着这杯酒,妾身谢谢您多年来的照拂。”

萧逸接过酒一饮而尽:“你我情同亲兄妹,又何须言谢?况且我答应过映雪,要照顾你一生一世。”

萧露蕊微微一笑:“映雪……映雪真是好福气,不管她活着还是亡去,都有那么多人爱着她。她这辈子,值了!”她为萧逸斟满第二杯酒,又说,“妾身想问问王爷,有没有对映雪以外的女人动过心?哪怕只是偶尔一刹那的悸动?”

萧逸闭目沉思,好半天才说:“没有。自始至终我心里只有映雪一人。我说过,今生今世,论生死,她都是我萧逸的妻,唯一的妻!我又岂会对别人动心?”眼泪滴入酒中,荡出一圈小小的涟漪。苏映雪的脸荡漾其间,一如初见。他喝干杯中酒,连同回忆与思念一起喝进心间。“小蕊,原谅我娶了你,却没能和你成为真正的夫妻。”

“何来原谅一说?总得两情相悦了,才能美满幸福。不然,勉强为之,有何乐趣?”酒壶里的酒刚好够第三杯。萧露蕊将酒杯朝萧逸推了推,笑道:“妾身一直很好奇,像王爷这样忧国忧民的人会有什么样的俗世愿望?”

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